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Month 22

My days and evenings include a lot to do about recovery.  My mornings begin with a walk of about three to five miles followed by a healthy breakfast of old fashion oats and fruit and a fruit smoothie.

After breakfast, I usually go to a meeting of recovery, a therapy session or an instance of restorative/yin yoga.

Lunch is usually light or not at all and about mid-afternoon, it is time for another walk of three to five miles.

Early evening usually involves another meeting or on Wednesday of Friday, I attend groups at my church, usually involving recovery and the 12 steps.

Saturday is a morning meeting I secretary and do my best to find chairs who provide a good message of recovery to those who attend.

Sundays are about church and the afternoon is about relaxing.  Before church is usually a walk of about 5 miles.

Recovery after 22 months is very different in that the physical symptoms have subsided for the most part.  The heart palpitations, constant nagging nausea, shakes and twitches have for the most part been reduced to minor or non-existent.

The psychobabble is reduced as well but these days, instead of being deeply focused on my symptoms and thoughts, I am more aware of the world outside of my head.

The benzos and withdrawal used to have my full attention and now there appears to be periods of time where my attention is on the fact that my attention is not on my withdrawal or addiction.

In some instance, I seem lost as to what to focus on.  I have been dedicated to recovery for quite a while and going to meetings, exercising, meditating and yoga have a different look.  Today, I seem to be more aware of a boredom I sense as the criticality and urgency is reduced.

A few months ago, I needed to adjust my schedule so that every waking moment of my day was not spent in a meeting or discussing recovery. Instead of two to five meetings a day, I go to one or two, taking one day off each week.

I have come to realize that I seem to be missing a part of life.  Something interesting and exciting.

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