Month 20 is by far the most significant of all the months of my recovery. This month was less about the pain and suffering of withdrawal, the symptoms, the challenges of the mind and body and more about having courage to take steps I would not have considered early in recovery.
When the body suffers, we feel pain and sensations that are uncomfortable but I have discovered that when the brain “hurts”, it manifests itself in fear, anxiety and forms of psychobabble that one might consider unhealthy.
I had the opportunity to go to Kauai this month to participate in my step-son’s wedding. This is an event I would not even consider prior to recovery or even as little as a few months ago because the fear of the unknown, the plane, being in an unfamiliar place around people I do not know, would just all be too overwhelming for me.
It took some teeth pulling from my wife, but on the 12th of March I got on a plane and went to Kauai. While the plane ride was not my cup of tea, the event was a joyous occasion and the people and scenery were very enjoyable.
I handled the anxiety and fear well for the most part the first few days and only on the day before departure did I let it get out of hand somewhat.
The bottom line is that I was grateful I was able to accomplish this and not regret that I was not a part of my history and that of my step-son and his family and friends.
On another note, I saw some incredible things this month. One of my sponsee’s relapsed. This was very disappointing. One of my other sponsee’s is blossoming and a few of my other recovery friends celebrated birthdays that together, the five of them, totaled 142 years of sobriety.
I am able to appreciate some things this month that escaped me in previous months because I was so captivated and enveloped in my own dilemma of withdrawals.